I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
