so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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