the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
