i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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