i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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