I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
