Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
