Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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