Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
