Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
where does the pee come out of this thing
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
