fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so let's talk penis.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
