dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
