after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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