It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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