i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I need to calm my uterus...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize