Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
