If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
