i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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