if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
