Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
