do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
