just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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