Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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