I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
