Cold hands, warm shart.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
