is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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