i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
