Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize