I'm jealous of your bromance
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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