I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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