We're facebook friends in real life
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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