I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize