my mouth tastes like poor choices
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
