I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
