I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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