I am in a vortex of obligation.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize