Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
