This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
