I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
