Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
