U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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