you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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