I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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