Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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