i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You pole danced in your parka.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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