The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
