I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
