Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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