If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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