I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
