dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
