you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
