there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
