I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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