So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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