My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
