Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
