is your mom at the bar?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
