I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
